By Shaam S-Dot Jones for The S-Dot Files
Let
me be great…this is what those of us reared in the hard knock everyday
struggle of Brooklyn want.
As I sat
down to write my sister in-law Miriam
Carey’s obituary last week, I thought long and hard about my life, and the
lives of those around me. I make my living as a writer. I’ve written countless
obituaries over the years. Each opportunity presents a new set of creative challenges.
How much to
do I include? What should I exclude?
In a
nutshell, an obituary is a snapshot summary of a lifetime of experiences. I don’t
believe in boilerplate prose that doesn’t convey the uniqueness of the
narrative of each person’s life; so I make considerable effort in having an
open dialogue with the family and friends to gain a more meaningful perspective
of who they were individually. This isn’t always the fastest process, but I
have found it to be the most rewarding. It gives those grieving something to
cherish as they look back and reflect on their lost loved ones.
Miriam Carey
was not a sound bite. Her 34 years of life cannot be simply reduced to a
segment between commercials. She was a mother, daughter, sister, friend,
coworker and a neighbor to many. Miriam made a difference in the lives of those
who knew her. Many of you have spent the last few days talking about and
seeking #AnswersForMiriamCarey, my question is: What will people say about you
when you’re gone?
The reason
some many people go without is because of the fear of going within to unearth
the life-limiting beliefs and love-blocking behaviors that keep you from
becoming and being the best Y-O-U. From time-to-time, we each need a ‘reality
check’ to awaken us from our dreams so we can focus achieving them. Let me
share two with you.
REALITY CHECK NO 1:
You Are Going to Die
No matter
how successful you become. Whether or not you accomplish your goals or continue
to procrastinate and pretend today isn’t the tomorrow you were waiting for to
make a change. All of us are going to one day bid this world farewell, period.
REALITY CHECK NO 2:
People Will Talk About You
Some people
are addicted to CNN (as in Constantly
Negative News). Let the legacy you leave behind be more than just idle
gossip on other people’s lips. You might as well give them something worth
talking about it.
Miriam lived
by the “Don’t be good…Be great”
mantra inbred in Brooklynites. She lived with a next-level focus, never
settling for less-than-best in all she did and aspired to do. The everyday challenges
of life taught her that whining isn’t winning. This was a quality we both
shared. and one which I see in her sister, my wife.
Your
obituary hasn’t been written yet. Today is yet another opportunity to influence
what people will someday say about you. Don’t waste another moment staring in
the rearview mirror of regret worrying about things that could’ve, should’ve
and would’ve been – focus on what is. Remember, the reason it’s called the ‘present’
is because it’s a ‘gift’ which you need to value by being responsible,
accountable and productive.
The life you’ve
been given should be worth living. If you find that you spend most of your time
daydreaming about other people’s success and wishing you had what others have
then you definitely need The Remix. Until
next time - #DontBeGoodBeGreat
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