Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Virtual Dating and me...Not!!!

By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files

As I make my way throughout various social communities online - myspace, imeem, facebook, etc. - I come across people interested in "dating" me without having the benefit of actually knowing me. This strikes me as strange at this juncture in my life based upon my past experiences. I'm usually very cautious of persons willing to put themselves out there that like for a profile photo, blogs, bulletins and comments. Not that people don't meet online and live happily ever after. They do. I know quite a few of them. However, that's not my focus online. I know that there are a lot of women that are attracted to my physicality and that's very flattering, but it doesn't distract me from the reality that they're probably not looking at my true essence.

Virtual relationships...not for me!!!

I want real-love. I don't believe that two people have to start off in the same physical location to get to know each other, but I'm not going to allow myself to become beguiled into living for phone calls, texts, e-mails and vacations. I deserve more than a part-time relationship, because I'm offering a full-time man. So, if you truly desire to know me, just simply get to know me with genuineness and God will work out the rest.

Just because you like me, doesn’t mean I’m supposed to like you back. Have you given me ample opportunity to really get to know you? A crush is cute, but that’s not what will sustain a real relationship. It’s hard enough for men and women to make things work in the same cities, so what are you offering by way of distance? Aren’t we separated enough?

I’m not opposed to, but I’m not looking for love in my in-box.

Let me share something with you, that I don't often share with people. And yes, I know I'm an oversharer, so that says a lot. LOL

When I was in my early 20s I developed a long distance pen pal relationship with someone in San Diego. We would write these long, engrossing letters and have these marathon phone conversations for nearly two years before we met. I can honestly say, that was the first opportunity that I got to know a woman's inner self, not her flesh. When we finally "met" in person it was great. Of course since we were in the flesh that was on and poppin' from the gate. We became so consumed with our relationship that we forgot about the reality of everyday life. We simply lived for the phone and mailbox.

That was cool at that point in my life, but when I look back - I could've better spent that time focusing on college and career matters. But I was so consumed with the "fantasy" of "love." That wasn't love, that was blissful deception. Love makes things happens, not fills your head with distractions. Love doesn't consume so much of your day-to-day life without preparing and practicing a plan to attain your hoped for future.

Fast forward a few years into that back and forth relationship of visiting one another every 3-4 months. We spent thousands of dollars, but didn't have anything tangible to show for it, besides vacation photos. Before long, we were cheating with day-to-day distractions in our own cities, yet still selfishly holding onto our fantasy for a relationship. Falsehood became the subtext of our conversations. Eventually, when I went to visit her innocently enough, I discovered during my visit that she was sleeping with another guy. How? The guy called my hotel room and told me flat out, "Dude, I've been boning her almost every day for the last 5 months. Even on her period. She even thought she was pregnant last month. Naw, we only use condoms sometimes. She doesn't like them. She says she likes me to cum in her. Especially her mouth."

I was flabbergasted.

Here was someone that I didn't know telling me intimate details about a woman that I came to town with an engagement ring to propose to, and did the night before. Yep, I was played. And stupidly, I forgave her putting my life at risk, possibly exposing me to HIV/AIDS because I didn't want everyone to know that the woman that I had built up as the "one" was actually just another woman that was hoeing around. No different, better or worst than all the other women around me everyday.

What's my point?

I did not come online to look for a spouse. I came online to geniunely get to know people, period. If God opens a door to a relationship, I'm going to walk through it. I am however, not going to chase rainbows when I have things to do everyday right here where I am. I live in NYC, not California, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas or anywhere else. My assignment from God is to complete the work that I'm called to do where I am, not to focus so much on getting my "territory" enlarged, that I become blindsided to what needs to be down around me.

I can't judge those that choose that path to intimacy, I did. But where I am in life, I am not trying to be outside of God's will, period. If someone is legitimately interested in getting to know me, simply get to know me. Don't make me into an avatar or idol, I am just a man. Remember, I have issues just like other brothers. I struggle with life challenges and setbacks. Just because I love God and I'm not afraid of showing it, doesn't mean that I'm better than anyone or perfect.

I am a man of purpose. And no one is going to derail that purpose. I've been in the muck and mire and I rejoice standing in the Presence of God too much to miss my moment with my Father. This is my season to be the man that God has called me to be. You can be a part of that journey, but you will not distract me from completing period.

( ( ( sDOTtv ) ) ) now playing R. Kelly ”U Saved Me”

Know your worth and don't settle for less than God's best!!!

RIGHT-CLICKER ADVISORY – This content (excluding any previously copyrighted materials contained herein) may only be used in its entirety citing the original source and this copyright holder notification, it may not be reposted, reproduced or redistributed in part or full without the expressed written consent of the copyright holder and author, The S-Dot Files © 2008 Copyright, The S-Dot Files, All Rights Reserved.

ABOUT S-DOT | His dynamic teachings on building creative leadership are geared toward individuals and groups seeking transformational change engaging the mind, body and spirit. Seeking to foster proactive relationships that inspire and produce effectual change in the lives of everyday people, he has positioned The S-Dot Files to communicate via cross media channels to reach change seekers wherever they gather. He is an empowerment coach, charismatic speaker and prolific writer that creates thought provoking content which engages and promotes total wellness. Recognizing that transformation requires a hands-on approach in order to be wholly effective, he facilitates workshops and conferences in small group settings. Focused on ceasing the "domestic silence’ that plagues the relationships of people failing to connect with one another, the birth of The S-Dot Files serves as a tool for fellowship with a unique culture engaging in “real talk, for real people, doing real things.”

No comments: