Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, October 1, 2012
YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'S WATCHING...
By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files
Congrats to two of my FB fam who I introduced a year ago that got engaged over this past weekend. I am overjoyed for you two.
I’ve watched you both separately for years transition from two people constantly complaining about “what’s wrong with Black Love” to actively doing the work necessary to becoming worthy of being in Black Love. Unlike many who gripe about the state of disunion between Black men and women, you each have rolled up your sleeves, looked in the mirror and said, “I have to change myself,” which is how you got to where you are today.
Sadly, a lot of folks continue to not see what is right in front of their faces. They change jobs, move into different living spaces, go in and out of relationships – but never look in the mirror. They are Down With O.P.P. (Other People’s Problems) which prevents them from addressing their own.
I’m glad you each have learned what some never will. I look forward to witnessing your Black Love journey, and I know that awesome things are on the horizon for you.
Y’all need to name your first child after me or something (just kidding…not really – smile).
OPEN MESSAGE TO MY FB FAM…
What are you doing to become the change you desire to see? Are you cultivating an atmosphere of chaos and confusion posting the most negative things about Black people, and passing along gossip, disgusting images without being mindful of who is watching your social interactions? I am. Others are too. What are you putting out there?
It’s time to get out the window worrying about what ______ is doing, and move away from that rearview mirror looking at the regrets of the past. The reason it’s called the “past” is because it has come to pass. The reason it’s called the “present” is because it’s a gift. Don’t lose sight of the reality that today will be tomorrow sooner than you realize…Do the work to be worthy of Black Love.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Loving A Black Man
By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files
Black Love people,
It's been a hot minute since I've posted any blogs, but I'm b-a-c-k!!!
We're into the 2nd season of The BOOTY Call Show presented by The S-Dot Files which airs live on Fridays at 10 pm - midnight (EST). Here's the description for tonight's show. You definitely want to go back and peruse the archives for some REAL talk on Black-on-Black Love.
Perhaps you’re manless because you’re clueless. What do you really know about LOVING A BLACKMAN? Join us for another oh-no-he didn’t discussion on Black-on-Black Love, we’ll be getting in comparing and sharing how-to tips to equip Us to love Us. And it’s movie night, so we’ll also be taking a look at the film Antwone Fisher examining how you can take some invaluable lessons from this powerful film and apply them to your love + life journey. Keep it 100, you’re girlfriends and even your boyfriends are clueless about LOVING A BLACKMAN, so grab yourself a pen and pad – it’s time to get schooled on this must-hear and share REAL talk episode on Friday, September 24, 2010 @ 10 pm – midnight (EST) call-in 347.308.8527.
Listen live or download the archive to your iTunes/media player to share with others.
Black Love people,
It's been a hot minute since I've posted any blogs, but I'm b-a-c-k!!!
We're into the 2nd season of The BOOTY Call Show presented by The S-Dot Files which airs live on Fridays at 10 pm - midnight (EST). Here's the description for tonight's show. You definitely want to go back and peruse the archives for some REAL talk on Black-on-Black Love.
Perhaps you’re manless because you’re clueless. What do you really know about LOVING A BLACKMAN? Join us for another oh-no-he didn’t discussion on Black-on-Black Love, we’ll be getting in comparing and sharing how-to tips to equip Us to love Us. And it’s movie night, so we’ll also be taking a look at the film Antwone Fisher examining how you can take some invaluable lessons from this powerful film and apply them to your love + life journey. Keep it 100, you’re girlfriends and even your boyfriends are clueless about LOVING A BLACKMAN, so grab yourself a pen and pad – it’s time to get schooled on this must-hear and share REAL talk episode on Friday, September 24, 2010 @ 10 pm – midnight (EST) call-in 347.308.8527.
Listen live or download the archive to your iTunes/media player to share with others.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
You're Not My Wife!!! R-U-N for Your Life
By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files
If she's C-R-A-Z-Y that's not SEXY or COOL.
CASE IN POINT: I know a young man that engaged in sexual roughhousing with his live-in girlfriend who “liked it rough.” He failed to properly discern that she had unresolved sexual trauma. This was foundational for her desire for choking, hitting and abuse during sex which she was socialized to perceive as being pleasurable. This guy was never particularly comfortable with this and mentioned his discomfort she belittled him as being “less than a man” and claimed a “real man would love it.”
Finally, one day when he tried to end their relationship, he found himself in handcuffs.
She waited until after a ‘breakup’ sex episode and then contacted the police to file a report. Imagine that.
On this Friday's show we'll be talking about how to spot the warning signs that she might be more than just a 'drama queen' she maybe C-R-A-Z-Y, that's right she may actually have mental problems that need to be dealt with and resolved before you try to take that relationship to the next-level.
Join us at 10 p.m. - midnight (EST) for "You're Not My Wife" with S-Dot & Friends. Call-in 347.308.8527 to share in this life-saving conversation.
Beware of those who hide behind texting and other forms of alternative communicating. This is usually a tactic used by a black widow to lull you into a false sense of security. They’ll typically text, e-mail or message you constantly to consume a lot of your time. If you are needful of attention, you will misconstrue this as healthy, but it’s actually a ruse. Pay attention!!!
Whenever conversations about man abuse are had there must be an interjection of woman abuse in the conversation, why is that? This is an indicator that the seriousness of this crime is still being framed through the eyes of others. As men, we have to take charge of this dialogue that affects our liberty and quality of life pursuits. It is absolutely appalling to see this passive-aggressive form of sexism that is disguised as activism. Let’s stay focused on the topic at hand.
Asking the right questions will enable you to determine if a potential partner suffers from a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Do not get caught up in the physicality of the Law of Distraction.
Listen to the way she describes her past relationships. Does she have baby daddy drama that she plays a significant role in? Perhaps she uses her children as missiles to wound her ex. Beware of those who simply won’t let the relationship end. If you’ve been clear things are not working out and this person continues to try to use sex or other methods to manipulate you into remaining in contact with them – be careful.
Document your contact with them. Save e-mails, texts and IMs on your hard drive. Keep a journal. Make certain to share your concerns with someone else who can later corroborate your testimony if necessary.
Don’t glean without your jeans. That’s right don’t let sex obscure the true view of who you’re dealing with. Until you’ve determined this person brings added-valued beyond the volume of their voice – don’t engage in intimacy.
WARNING SIGN – she watches you sleep and when you awake demands to know what you were thinking about.
If you or someone you know has been 'chick slapped' don't tolerate it. Get out of that relationship. Don't let that person undermine your manhood with threats of violence. A REAL man saves his life, not throws it away. Get help. R-U-N for your life!!!
Got Chick Slapped? Call 800-799-7233 www.ndvh.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - It's confidential and it may save your life.
If she's C-R-A-Z-Y that's not SEXY or COOL.
CASE IN POINT: I know a young man that engaged in sexual roughhousing with his live-in girlfriend who “liked it rough.” He failed to properly discern that she had unresolved sexual trauma. This was foundational for her desire for choking, hitting and abuse during sex which she was socialized to perceive as being pleasurable. This guy was never particularly comfortable with this and mentioned his discomfort she belittled him as being “less than a man” and claimed a “real man would love it.”
Finally, one day when he tried to end their relationship, he found himself in handcuffs.
She waited until after a ‘breakup’ sex episode and then contacted the police to file a report. Imagine that.
On this Friday's show we'll be talking about how to spot the warning signs that she might be more than just a 'drama queen' she maybe C-R-A-Z-Y, that's right she may actually have mental problems that need to be dealt with and resolved before you try to take that relationship to the next-level.
Join us at 10 p.m. - midnight (EST) for "You're Not My Wife" with S-Dot & Friends. Call-in 347.308.8527 to share in this life-saving conversation.
Beware of those who hide behind texting and other forms of alternative communicating. This is usually a tactic used by a black widow to lull you into a false sense of security. They’ll typically text, e-mail or message you constantly to consume a lot of your time. If you are needful of attention, you will misconstrue this as healthy, but it’s actually a ruse. Pay attention!!!
Whenever conversations about man abuse are had there must be an interjection of woman abuse in the conversation, why is that? This is an indicator that the seriousness of this crime is still being framed through the eyes of others. As men, we have to take charge of this dialogue that affects our liberty and quality of life pursuits. It is absolutely appalling to see this passive-aggressive form of sexism that is disguised as activism. Let’s stay focused on the topic at hand.
Asking the right questions will enable you to determine if a potential partner suffers from a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Do not get caught up in the physicality of the Law of Distraction.
Listen to the way she describes her past relationships. Does she have baby daddy drama that she plays a significant role in? Perhaps she uses her children as missiles to wound her ex. Beware of those who simply won’t let the relationship end. If you’ve been clear things are not working out and this person continues to try to use sex or other methods to manipulate you into remaining in contact with them – be careful.
Document your contact with them. Save e-mails, texts and IMs on your hard drive. Keep a journal. Make certain to share your concerns with someone else who can later corroborate your testimony if necessary.
Don’t glean without your jeans. That’s right don’t let sex obscure the true view of who you’re dealing with. Until you’ve determined this person brings added-valued beyond the volume of their voice – don’t engage in intimacy.
WARNING SIGN – she watches you sleep and when you awake demands to know what you were thinking about.
If you or someone you know has been 'chick slapped' don't tolerate it. Get out of that relationship. Don't let that person undermine your manhood with threats of violence. A REAL man saves his life, not throws it away. Get help. R-U-N for your life!!!
Got Chick Slapped? Call 800-799-7233 www.ndvh.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - It's confidential and it may save your life.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The DNA of Man Abuse
By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files
Couples don't usually start out whipping each others *sses, there is a process that leads to this vicious cycle Having shared a similar upbringing as C-Breezy, like a lot of men that watched their moms endure abuse it is typical for many men to develop an aversion to violence. This is attractive to women that have been reared in similar environments. They are drawn to the prospect of being able to wield control over men that can be manipulated and controlled.
Typically a black widow personality type seeks attention and has an idolatrous relationship with themselves. Most will be fixated on hogging the spotlight and will oftentimes fight others for the mirror because they have an "all eyes of me" mindset. These attention-hungry individuals will oftentimes be drawn to others whose star is on the rise to siphon off their "it" factor like energy vampires. They will usually be jealous and respond with rage when they aren't the focal point of the conversation. Most practice 'me-olgoy' the religion of "doing me" and develop a god/goddess complex.
Just think about the characters portrayed by Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens in the movie Boomerang, both of them were black widow personality types. You might've seen them in the clubs screaming about their independent vaginas or boasting about their magic sticks. If this sounds like someone you're considering dating R-U-N!!!
I believe that Rihanna is a young woman that has not fully dealt with the roots of her emotional and physical abuse growing up in a hostile, dysfunctional environment. By her own admission, she has a history of exhibiting aggressive behavior towards men and even admits to expecting to be hit like her mom.
Perhaps you know a man or woman that seems to get off on being abused. If they want you to 'hit it' before you hit it...R-U-N!!! These are the types aroused by make up sex. There have been many eyewitness accounts of her being overly aggressive in trying to curtail Chris' interaction with other people, especially women. Despite being talented and attractive, she like many people suffers from low self-esteem. Beware of women that boast of having their "own house, car and jobs" these are smoke screens for dysfunction oftentimes. Lots of people that are in the public eye suffer from this desire to be seen and heard at all costs. Oftentimes they pay the ultimate price with their lives. If this sounds like you, get help!
People afflicted with personality disorders like BPD and narcissism, etc. show little remorse for their actions. Sadly, many of them will even be elevated as "survivor" emblems without people fully vetting their accounts and examining the roots they sprung from. Because women report their violence and most men suffer in silence the societal response is usually to side with the woman; even in cases where it's been shown she initiated the violence. The stereotypical response when a man is absued by a woman is "what did he do to her?" as if his behavior warrants her abuse. However, we know that the reverse is not tolerated. No matter what a woman does it is socially unacceptable for a man to hit her. Sound like a double standard? Men are told to "restrain her" or "run away." Women are told to "do whatever you have to do." This is a common problem that has led to many men eventually getting incarcerated and losing their lives when they "snap" because they can't take the abuse anymore.
If you are a man experiencing domestic abuse, get help. Don't suffer in silence. You're life could depend on it!
Here are just a few signs she maybe an abuser:
1. Fakes PMS just to excuse her lashing out (monitor and document her cycle)
2. Refers to your “little” friends, etc. condescendingly
3. Calls or texts and flips out when you don’t respond immediately
4. Makes “a real man would…” comments to wound you verbally
Don’t allow people to “play” with you in ways that you are uncomfortable with. Even if a person doesn’t physically hurt you while “playing” they are sowing the seeds to later victimize you.
Did you get “chick slapped”? Does she have a hand and mouth problem? Are you sick and tired of the physical and verbal abuse?
Many abusers will rationalize their violence as being stressed-related. Women abusers hide behind “PMS” and post partum depression (PPD) as the basis for their violent lashing out.
I oftentimes say, “Good head can give you bad credit,” and most folks chuckle at the realness of that statement. However, good head can also kill you as well. Just because she gives you “good” head that doesn’t excuse the reality that she’s a head case that has problems. R-U-N!!!
Got Chick Slapped? Call 800-799-7233 www.ndvh.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - It's confidential and it may save your life.
Here's the search warrant issued to the LAPD
The Pattern of Abuse…
According to TMZ.com, “The first occurred in Europe three months before the February 8 attack. Rihanna and Brown got into a verbal dispute and she slapped him. According to the report, he reacted by shoving her into a wall. The second incident occurred approximately 3 weeks prior to the February attack. Brown and Rihanna were in Barbados and were driving a Range Rover. They argued, and Brown got out of the car, and allegedly broke the front driver and passenger side windows.”
CHRIS SPEAKS…
“There have been reports on the internet that I didn’t remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times — and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
The first four times – or how ever many times it was – I gave the same answer — which was that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn’t fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, “Do you remember doing it?” and I said, “No.”
Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can’t believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future.”
Here's Chris Brown doing community service
Couples don't usually start out whipping each others *sses, there is a process that leads to this vicious cycle Having shared a similar upbringing as C-Breezy, like a lot of men that watched their moms endure abuse it is typical for many men to develop an aversion to violence. This is attractive to women that have been reared in similar environments. They are drawn to the prospect of being able to wield control over men that can be manipulated and controlled.
Typically a black widow personality type seeks attention and has an idolatrous relationship with themselves. Most will be fixated on hogging the spotlight and will oftentimes fight others for the mirror because they have an "all eyes of me" mindset. These attention-hungry individuals will oftentimes be drawn to others whose star is on the rise to siphon off their "it" factor like energy vampires. They will usually be jealous and respond with rage when they aren't the focal point of the conversation. Most practice 'me-olgoy' the religion of "doing me" and develop a god/goddess complex.
Just think about the characters portrayed by Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens in the movie Boomerang, both of them were black widow personality types. You might've seen them in the clubs screaming about their independent vaginas or boasting about their magic sticks. If this sounds like someone you're considering dating R-U-N!!!
I believe that Rihanna is a young woman that has not fully dealt with the roots of her emotional and physical abuse growing up in a hostile, dysfunctional environment. By her own admission, she has a history of exhibiting aggressive behavior towards men and even admits to expecting to be hit like her mom.
Perhaps you know a man or woman that seems to get off on being abused. If they want you to 'hit it' before you hit it...R-U-N!!! These are the types aroused by make up sex. There have been many eyewitness accounts of her being overly aggressive in trying to curtail Chris' interaction with other people, especially women. Despite being talented and attractive, she like many people suffers from low self-esteem. Beware of women that boast of having their "own house, car and jobs" these are smoke screens for dysfunction oftentimes. Lots of people that are in the public eye suffer from this desire to be seen and heard at all costs. Oftentimes they pay the ultimate price with their lives. If this sounds like you, get help!
People afflicted with personality disorders like BPD and narcissism, etc. show little remorse for their actions. Sadly, many of them will even be elevated as "survivor" emblems without people fully vetting their accounts and examining the roots they sprung from. Because women report their violence and most men suffer in silence the societal response is usually to side with the woman; even in cases where it's been shown she initiated the violence. The stereotypical response when a man is absued by a woman is "what did he do to her?" as if his behavior warrants her abuse. However, we know that the reverse is not tolerated. No matter what a woman does it is socially unacceptable for a man to hit her. Sound like a double standard? Men are told to "restrain her" or "run away." Women are told to "do whatever you have to do." This is a common problem that has led to many men eventually getting incarcerated and losing their lives when they "snap" because they can't take the abuse anymore. If you are a man experiencing domestic abuse, get help. Don't suffer in silence. You're life could depend on it!
Here are just a few signs she maybe an abuser:
1. Fakes PMS just to excuse her lashing out (monitor and document her cycle)
2. Refers to your “little” friends, etc. condescendingly
3. Calls or texts and flips out when you don’t respond immediately
4. Makes “a real man would…” comments to wound you verbally
Don’t allow people to “play” with you in ways that you are uncomfortable with. Even if a person doesn’t physically hurt you while “playing” they are sowing the seeds to later victimize you.
Did you get “chick slapped”? Does she have a hand and mouth problem? Are you sick and tired of the physical and verbal abuse?
Many abusers will rationalize their violence as being stressed-related. Women abusers hide behind “PMS” and post partum depression (PPD) as the basis for their violent lashing out.
I oftentimes say, “Good head can give you bad credit,” and most folks chuckle at the realness of that statement. However, good head can also kill you as well. Just because she gives you “good” head that doesn’t excuse the reality that she’s a head case that has problems. R-U-N!!!
Got Chick Slapped? Call 800-799-7233 www.ndvh.org (National Domestic Violence Hotline) - It's confidential and it may save your life.
Here's the search warrant issued to the LAPD
The Pattern of Abuse…
According to TMZ.com, “The first occurred in Europe three months before the February 8 attack. Rihanna and Brown got into a verbal dispute and she slapped him. According to the report, he reacted by shoving her into a wall. The second incident occurred approximately 3 weeks prior to the February attack. Brown and Rihanna were in Barbados and were driving a Range Rover. They argued, and Brown got out of the car, and allegedly broke the front driver and passenger side windows.”
CHRIS SPEAKS…
“There have been reports on the internet that I didn’t remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times — and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
The first four times – or how ever many times it was – I gave the same answer — which was that I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn’t fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, “Do you remember doing it?” and I said, “No.”
Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can’t believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future.”
Here's Chris Brown doing community service
Friday, February 19, 2010
It''s All About That Benefits Baby!!!
By S-Dot for The S-Dot Files
( ( ( Tonight’s Show ) ) )
Keep it 100, is that a “friendship” or is it a “pretendship”?
"What y'all wanna do..." Do you have an "It's All About the Benefits Baby!" mindset when it comes to friendship where the only "benefit" seems to be you giving up or humping down the BOOTY? Does your phone only ring during off-peak hours? Tired of being "makeout takeout"? Has the neon glimmer of the limelight lost its soul glow? Sick of being a "strobelight honey"? Is being a "sugar daddy" no longer as appealing as it once was? Maybe you're ready for...CHANGE. Let's have REAL talk this Friday, February 19th @ 10 pm - midnight (EST) Join S-Dot & Friends call-in 347.308.8527
( ( ( Listen + Chat ) ) )
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/thesdotfiles
( ( ( Call-in ) ) )
Simply dial 347.308.8527 from your home, office or mobile phone and press “1” to join into the conversation.
SHOW MENU:
The Rooster Report – S-Dot gives you a history of the Art of Roosterism
That’s Not Your Friend – Join us for a REAL talk about on “pretendships”
The Bobblehead Chronicles: Part 3 Absalom’s Revenge
Tonight’s show will feature music and audiobook clips as well. Tune in and join into the conversation.
Are You in the LOOP?
Got myspace? Holla at me
Join ( ( ( The S-DOT Files ) ) ) Social Empowerment Network
Connect + Reflect
Watch + Become
Listen + Talk
>>Follow S-Twitty In The City @
( ( ( Peep It On the Download ) ) )
Preview the forthcoming eBook, "KEEPING IT 100: Being Your Authentic Self" (RTK)
"And because of His Words many more became believers." - John 4:41
( ( ( Tonight’s Show ) ) )
Keep it 100, is that a “friendship” or is it a “pretendship”?
"What y'all wanna do..." Do you have an "It's All About the Benefits Baby!" mindset when it comes to friendship where the only "benefit" seems to be you giving up or humping down the BOOTY? Does your phone only ring during off-peak hours? Tired of being "makeout takeout"? Has the neon glimmer of the limelight lost its soul glow? Sick of being a "strobelight honey"? Is being a "sugar daddy" no longer as appealing as it once was? Maybe you're ready for...CHANGE. Let's have REAL talk this Friday, February 19th @ 10 pm - midnight (EST) Join S-Dot & Friends call-in 347.308.8527
( ( ( Listen + Chat ) ) )
www.BlogTalkRadio.com/thesdotfiles
( ( ( Call-in ) ) )
Simply dial 347.308.8527 from your home, office or mobile phone and press “1” to join into the conversation.
SHOW MENU:
The Rooster Report – S-Dot gives you a history of the Art of Roosterism
That’s Not Your Friend – Join us for a REAL talk about on “pretendships”
The Bobblehead Chronicles: Part 3 Absalom’s Revenge
Tonight’s show will feature music and audiobook clips as well. Tune in and join into the conversation.
Are You in the LOOP?
Got myspace? Holla at me
Join ( ( ( The S-DOT Files ) ) ) Social Empowerment Network
Connect + Reflect
Watch + Become
Listen + Talk
>>Follow S-Twitty In The City @
( ( ( Peep It On the Download ) ) )
Preview the forthcoming eBook, "KEEPING IT 100: Being Your Authentic Self" (RTK)
"And because of His Words many more became believers." - John 4:41
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